8:00 A.M. Still not ready...wasn't going to take it but ex hubby whom I live with was asking me if I had and followed me into the kitchen. I asked him to hold me accountable and evidently he wasn't going to leave for work until I took the darn stuff. I was livid. Partly because I had to take but partly because he would say "I understand!!!!" after he asked me if I were dreading it. In my head I screamed " HELLO....no you don't understand you little %$##@. You have NO IDEA. You still drink your beer every night. I won't get that pleasure anymore. " That's what my flesh wanted to say. But my spirit was so willing. So wanting it. So craving the freedom from the chains that bound me. But I was scared.
I took it. Grudgingly and with tears stinging my eyes I took it. My BIG hateful attitude was obvious when I looked at him (probably with disgust)and stuck out my tongue to prove I swallowed that stupid white pill ,which didn't go over too well with him. He got mad, stomped off, slammed the door and left for work. I was meeting a friend to go on a walk so I walked out to get the stroller ready for the baby, still angry I "had" to take the medicine when "I wasn't ready!!!!!" So I was gonna march myself back in the house and throw that stupid pill right back up and go get me some wine. I'm in control of me. I decide when I'm gonna take my pill. NOT my ex husband. But as God would have it, my friend walks out as I was about to walk in so once again, plan ruined!!!!!!! UUUGGGGHHHH was all I thought!!!!! Now this stupid pill is going to dissolve and I'm stuck without and option to drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thus starts day one on antabuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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