Trying to figure out how I can drink tomorrow. Blake is going out of town and omgosh I want to drink. Well part of me does. The other part screams NO!!!!! (That has to be the Holy Spirit in me because we Christians know the flesh part of us always wants to do the wrong thing). I feel I have done so good but not only that, I think of the cons of it. The morning shakes, the tons of eating, the bad breath so hard to get rid of, the guilt, the shame of not being able to stop. But again...that's not what stops me. If that were powerful enough to stop me, I would have quit a long time ago. It's the fact it's day 4 of antabuse. I have no choice. Well, I have a choice to take the medicine. And I choose to take it. Not because I have the strength, but because God gives me the strength and desire every day to do it. So once again I yield to the fact that I will not be drinking tomorrow. It has been years (except when I was pregnant) that I have gone this many days in a row without drinking. I have to overcome this. I have no choice. If I don't...I believe it will kill me!
8:00 Been thinking about wine all day. Glad the day is almost over and I can start a fresh day tomorrow. I know it will get easier. Can't wait for that. This is hard. Should have listened to God a long time ago.
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