Monday April 18

Man have I thought about not taking my pill tonight.  Not because I'm really having an urge or craving.  But ahhh I miss the taste of a nice cold glass of chardonnay.  And when the weather is beautiful like it is today, it makes me want to drink even more.  Don't get me wrong.  I miss the buzz too.  But then my mind takes me to the midday nap and waking up with no energy ( something I haven't done since being sober ) and the praying eight o'clock would get here so I can get to bed because I'm about to pass out.  And bad taste left in my mouth, the irritability, etc.  Again, the pros for taking the antabuse outweigh the cons for not.  Each day seems to get easier.  I did go by an adorable store the other and they had the cutest wine glasses.  I was so jealous of the people able to buy them.  I wanted so bad to be able to drink out of one.  Well I guess I could drink tea or water but to me that's just no fun.  Oh well...life goes on.  As the old saying goes, I can't take a wine glass with me to heaven.  I need to store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.  Yes, this is where I will "fix my gaze."